Talking sex with a cripple.

Sex is a topic that seems to get a lot of attention.  Though add disabled in front of sex and it tends to get avoided.  I suppose this is not so surprising considering people tend to not like confronting things that make them uncomfortable.  It has been my experience that simply being a cripple makes a whole lot of people uncomfortable.   Add that to the prude attitude that is rampant in the US where I live regarding sex and mentioning that the disabled are still sexual beings becomes a rude conversation. Unfortunately, if you happen to be disabled and you want to have a sex life you get the fun task of confronting this social bias.  Oh and not just those that are disabled have to confront this bias the people they are involved with get to as well.

I remember an incident when I was younger and new to my injury and crippled status that I had this bias pointed out to me in no uncertain terms.  I was with my girlfriend at the time.  We were waiting for someone at the mall minding our own business when two guys seeing our interaction with each other, my leaning my head against her while she messed with my hair, couldn’t help themselves asking my girlfriend if she had a boyfriend.  Two things I couldn’t help but learn from this: 1, some people seem to fundamentally lack manners, and 2, even while engaging in a public display of affection a cripple couldn’t possibly be relationship or sexy time material.  Obviously this isn’t true, and I owe a lot of my current self esteem to my then girlfriend and the offended face and response she gave them.  Having someone who wasn’t afraid of me being a quadriplegic at such and early time in my life on wheels helped me get passed my own fears about sex.  

I didn’t have to accept the status society tries to place me in, nor the status society places people who find me attractive in either.  I still have to deal with it of course, but it hinders me less because I don’t get in my own way about it.  I was willing to flirt like I normally would have, and I believed the positive responses I had received.  People are probably always going to view me differently but not all of them. Some even like the things that make me unlike the ambulatory.  

I think that the confidence I got from not being shunned and the experience I got from not being shunned by my girlfriend at the time helped me in my love life after.  Everyone has different armor against social pressures.  In this case mine is pretty thick.  It’s thin in other areas I’ll admit, but when it comes to those I find attractive it’s pretty thick.  Which is why I have such a great lady.  Yes she did find me but I like to think it was my flirting skills that won the day.  Fearless in the face of my own sexyness.  That’s the best advice I can give, besides maybe a few pointers to cripple guys whom are less experienced between the sheets, that I can give.  Always put yourself up.  If there is something about yourself that you like let people know.  Being humble is not your friend.  And the act of the sexy time activities is within your reach no matter how much difficulty you might have with mobility.  There are ways, and skills, that can get you and your partner where you need to go.  But perhaps that’s another post.